February 8, 2018

n o v a : f o u r | m o n t h s

It has been so interesting to see how much Nova has changed in a short 4 weeks. She is growing so fast! I’m sure I’ll be thinking that for the rest of her life but in this very moment, I’m holding on to every little piece of her that is her right now. Every moment that is special with her, passes so quickly.
As a parent, it’s scary to think about all the things I’ve already forgotten. All the moments that slipped through my fingers just after they were experienced. When I allow myself to think too much about it, panic rushes through my mind! She will never be this little again! Every inch she grows and every ounce she gains is extremely bitter-sweet. This is exactly why we need to live in the moment with our sweet babes. Stop worrying about the dirty dishes and the pile of laundry. When I think back on Nova’s babyhood, I want to remember the endless snuggles, giggles, kisses. I want to remember the view of her when I’m nursing. The other things I can get to later. Right now, I just want to stare at  my sweet baby! 

| h e r  f o u r t h  m o n t h |

about 13 pounds (has an appointment on Monday!) 

rolling from one end of the room to the other - she can’t be left alone!

HATES being in the car

discovered mommy’s face and loves to stare and touch mommy’s chin and lips

giggles so hard when daddy makes piggy noises!

started to sit up with support in her bumbo and boppy!

loves to look at the pictures on the books mommy and daddy read to her before bedtime

tried bananas and LOVES them! 

stops crying immediately when mommy sings “if you’re happy and you know it”

Every day I find myself learning something new about Nova. When I do, it hits me hard that she is her own person. My bond with her is so strong that I sometimes forget we are two separate people! But I love that. I feel so connected to her. It wasn’t always this way but now that it is, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

February 1, 2018

Birth Story: Nova Violet

Being thirty-nine weeks pregnant tends to make you a little insane. At least in my case. I heard myself saying "get this baby out of me" every night to Ryan as I rolled out of bed he pushed me out of bed to go to the bathroom for the forty-seventh time that day. I loved this itty-bitty human inside of me but I was beyond ready to meet her! I was worried about being induced or needing a C-section so we tried everything we could to naturally induce labor (with the okay from my midwives). 

Friday afternoon, after cleaning and playing with the puppy, I finally sat down on the couch to indulge in some HGTV. I was rubbing my belly, talking to baby when I realized I couldn’t remember the last time she’d moved around. Was it last night or yesterday morning? I called a friend who works in the NICU to ask her advice. “Lauren, you need to go to the ER immediately.” My heart sunk. I’m in a panic. All I remember was my heart pounding and my fingers covered in mascara after wiping the tears that just would not stop flowing. Ryan rushed home and drove me to the nearest emergency room. 

I found myself losing the ability to breathe. I didn’t want to have to explain one more time that I hadn’t felt fetal movement in 24 hrs. Each time it hurt worse. I started to feel lightheaded and see stars. I was pushed back to a room. It was cold and uninviting. Maybe under different circumstances it would have just been a regular hospital room. Ryan and I didn’t take our eyes off each other while they put the monitors around my belly. He held my hand and gave me a look that brought so much calm to my aching heart. Even then, those terrifying thoughts were rolling around in my head. I can’t lose this baby. I refuse. The nurse watches the monitor closely. She turned up the volume so I could hear for myself. Then the words finally came: “honey, she’s okay”. The relief we felt was intense. She is okay. She’s healthy. That’s all that matters. 

For several weeks leading up to this, I had been experiencing high blood pressure. Turns out, it was more serious than my midwives led on which meant I needed to be induced. There were so many times I shared that fear with Ryan and here we were - it was coming true. All that mattered was that my baby was healthy. She’s okay. 

That next morning, we packed our bags, grabbed our new pup and drove forty minutes to my parents home. Longest forty minutes of my life. The hospital I planned to deliver was ten minutes from their home. What a blessing. They quickly admitted me. I was dilated to a zero. ZERO?! This meant a long night. Maybe two. They started me on Oxytocin which did nothing. The doctor inserted Prostaglandins. A few hours and many episodes of Cake Boss later, it was time. About five o’clock Sunday morning, I was experiencing some of the worst pain I have ever felt. It’s said over and over again but labor is no joke! There is nothing like it. 

“An epidural sounds real nice right about now” I told my nurse as politely as I could. Within the hour, I had the epidural and I could breathe again. For a long time, I planned and prepared to go all natural. All that changed when I was induced. Being induced means nothing is natural. I was able to rest for about an hour when I woke up to a gross feeling. "Ryan! Wake up! I'm pretty sure my water broke!" He took one look with his sleepy eyes and was done! He does not do well in this department ;) Sure enough, it had and we discovered I dilated from a one to a ten within two hours. "No wonder you were hurting so bad!" Three minutes and four pushes later, little miss no-name was in my arms! 

We're told we cannot achieve perfection in this life but there she was: pure perfection. She looked just like Ryan with my red hair. Nova Violet sounded perfect and suited her so well. I could not take my eyes off of her. The next day and a half we experienced more scares with our girl. She needed to overcome a small case of Jaundice. During our first night with her, she stopped breathing. I felt completely helpless. We called for the nurses. Eight-or-so nurses flooded our room helping our little baby to breathe. That intense feeling of relief washed over me again. Unfortunately, it was taken away when the same thing happened only two hours later. That little button on my postpartum bed became my best friend.

After all the drama, we were able to enjoy our little girl even more. I never really knew the joys of motherhood until she was placed in my arms. Even though they were stressful, I will be forever grateful for those days leading up to Miss Nova's birth.