December 31, 2018

2018: A Year of Growth

January was a time full of the challenges that come with breastfeeding + sleepless nights that so often accompany a three month old!

February had rainy days that were meant for cuddling :)

March is full of memories to the park + gardening with my little baby by my side.

April was a reflection of our Savior's sacrifice + Nova's first Easter. 

May was a celebration of motherhood + our very first family vacation to Long Beach, CA.

June we celebrated two years of marriage!

July scared me to the core when Nova took her first real fall but recovered quickly + spent our days at the water park. 

August was finally warm enough for beach days + afternoons in the pool! 

September changed us forever as we experienced the loss in early pregnancy. 

October made my baby turn one + I will never forgive it for that ;)

November required change + patience as we traveled to our new home in Austin, TX. 

December has been full of time together, growth + excitement as we share the happy news of our newest addition - baby fullerton coming summer 2019!

I am so thrilled to see what 2019 teaches me and what kinds of challenges I will face. It's always interesting to look back on our pasts to learn how we'd like our futures to turn out. While I may not have many goals for this upcoming year (besides surviving two under two), I know one thing is for sure: the experiences coming my way will continue to shape and change me. 

Happy new year! I hope everyone is blessed with a happy and full year! Thank you for all of your support and love towards my blog and our little family. Sharing our story and being able to connect to so many of you is such a blessing in my life. Thank you for a wonderful year at Fullertons in the Making

December 19, 2018

Finding Myself After a Miscarriage

September 2018 will always be burned into my memory. In the same month I would find out I was pregnant with our second child and also miscarry that child. Something so sudden and unplanned as a miscarriage can rip someone’s heart out. I don’t know that I have ever cried out in heartache like I did that weekend. 

When I was pregnant the first time, with Nova, I was constantly worried about about having a miscarriage. For no particular reason other than the fact that it was my first pregnancy and everything terrified me. The second time, I wasn't as worried but continued to feel the prompting that I should be. Something didn't feel quite right. I ignored the promptings and began preparing how we'd tell our families. I was determined to surprise them with the news of the pregnancy while we were all together for Nova’s birthday. I bought the cutest big sister shirt, planned the pictures and announcement. Had my first ultrasound scheduled, prenatal insurance being processed. Everything was going to be perfect. This was not the way I thought I would be sharing the news of our second baby. 

Telling our parents and siblings about the miscarriage was one of the harder parts. It's a little awkward for me to share news like that and I imagine a little awkward for most people. But, I knew that in order for me to heal, I needed their prayers more than ever. I also really needed to be able to talk about it... almost like talking through it. 

The day after the miscarriage, I woke up with crusty, baggy eyes from getting very little sleep the night before. The emptiness I felt hadn't filled and the heartache didn't suddenly subside, like I was wishing it had. Waking up to realize it wasn't all a dream... well, it was like it was happening all over again. The tears would not stop. I felt like a burden and annoyance because I was struggling so severely. I shared these feelings with Ryan after again, apologizing for crying. He reminded me that it's important to feel what I'm feeling but to remember that the Savior has felt it too. Christ, more than anyone else, knew exactly how I was feeling.

Ryan's eternal perspective and reminder to reflect on the Savior was the motivation I needed to get through this. Turning this trial over to Christ was my saving grace. I'm so grateful for having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. Without it, I'm not sure that I would have come out of this a stronger person. This isn't a sad story to me anymore. It's a story of how I became who I am, how I've been strengthened and how I came closer to Christ. 

This is my motherhood. This baby, no matter how small, will always be part of me and my story. I will never forget this moment in my life and I will never forget this baby. If you’re struggling, know you are never alone.